Under the watchful eye of credentials and paragraphs you were conceived
A finger's imprint marks your beginnings
Implanted hope, I am pregnant with time.
I rejoice!
Yet my body does not blossom with proof
Letterhead paperwork, a doctor, a stamp of approval
Notarized and Apostiled your growing begins.
Pregnant with waiting, of years before and months to come
Morning sickness of expectation
I count the weeks by tasks as you grow fuller in me.
Pregnant with questions and answers I do not know
Though a learner - I teach,
and assure those wondering of my joy.
Anecdotal advice of food and drink passes me by
Yet I crave the knowledge of the experienced
And a pat of approval... though on my shoulder.
Pregnant with yearning
I am bloated with impatience
Awaiting images of your existence:
A name, an age, a sex
Of eyes: sparkling or dim with grief?
I am pregnant with time, and
Your date is undetermined, though not in God's mind.
If sooner, you are not premature for you already were,
If later, you are still young.
Your days have been counted carefully under His watchful eye
Though I could not feel them ticking inside.
You are a shadow in my mind as I wait expectantly for reality to arrive
And though I will not greet you lying down
Pangs of hope contract with faith:
that your untimely birth was for my sake, and my barrenness for yours.
I am not ashamed either way.